Endurance

I honestly cannot remember a time when I have been so frustrated, so challenged, and so discouraged while trying to lose weight.

I’ve been at this for a week now. During school I’ve been off my game, so of course I anticipate a bit of weight gain or a plateau. BUT I’ve been going hard every day in my workouts this past week, eating real food and proper portions, drinking tons of water… and I’ve GAINED WEIGHT.

Not only have I gained weight… oh no, I’ve GAINED WEIGHT. I am now officially the heaviest I’ve been in the last two years.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like an absolute failure. I hate this, I hate this. I hate this. I’m trying! I swear I am! How could this be possible? What is going on? Why isn’t this working?

None of this makes sense to me. Nothing adds up. During my entire journey it’s been the same: workout + eating clean = weight loss. So WHY is this not working? I can’t put it together and it’s driving me absolutely insane. I don’t know you guys. I don’t know what to do.

Giving up isn’t an option. It never has been and it never will be. But I’m so blinded by this…

I love being healthy. I love working out. I am STILL overweight and I STILL have a ways to go… so why won’t my body let me? What is happening?

I don’t have answers today. I wish I did, but I don’t. I don’t know… Maybe tomorrow I will. I wish this wasn’t part of the journey, but I guess it is. Sometimes we just have to endure. Sometimes, even when we are facing the wind, we have to keep going. We must make that choice. I guess this is that time for me. I don’t like it at all, to be quite honest. I want results and I want them now. But I guess this is testing my mental strength more than ever before. How bad do I REALLY want it? Will I keep going? Will I push through? Will I endure?

Stay tuned, I suppose…

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